if only i could text you this smell
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
