just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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