I love black thongs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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