ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
