You're so nebulous sometimes
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
