this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
