friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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