is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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