i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
