so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
