Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
