do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
