I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
