My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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