Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
