Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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