The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
