During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
