She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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