So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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