she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
