I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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