i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
