I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
