i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
