Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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