Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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