THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
