It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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