Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
