Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
