i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
