It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
