It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
