Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
