they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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