Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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