WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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