i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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