Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
