When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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