do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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