I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
