That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
