I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
