I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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