When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
