ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
