i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
