sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
